In this article, I discuss a metaphor for the benefits of accepting challenging emotions and thoughts which you encounter while engaging in valued activities.
Estimated reading time: .
Engaging in activities and pursuing goals in different spheres of our lives is fundamental to having a meaningful, purposeful and happy existence. These activities and goals are typically pursued in the domains of work and education, relationships, personal growth and leisure.
Although these activities and goals can be immensely rewarding, there are many challenges to be dealt with along the way. These include unpleasant thoughts and emotions we experience. The prospect of having to face these cognitive and affective obstacles can be so daunting that it often leads people to abandon their valued activities and goals or even not to get started on pursuing them.
Fortunately, there is an excellent metaphor for how to think about these thoughts and emotions in a manner which will make it easier for you not to let them deter you from engaging in activities and pursuing goals which are consistent with your values. I will discuss this metaphor in the following sections.
Demons on the boat
In The Happiness Trap, Dr. Russ Harris provides an excellent metaphor for how we can be deterred from pursuing valued activities and goals when we experience challenging thoughts and emotions. He imagines someone on a boat at sea whose goal is to land and experience various exciting adventures. Whenever the person steers the boat toward land with the intention of pursuing an adventure, scary demons emerge from below deck.
If the person continues steering the boat toward land, the demons act scarier to try to prevent the person from exploring on land. However, if the person steers the boat away from land and heads back to sea the demons go back down below deck. The scariness of the demons is such that the person will typically steer the boat away from land. This leads the person to experience the relief of no longer having to face the fearsome demons.
Unfortunately, it also results in the person missing out on the exciting adventures they hoped to pursue on land. So the benefit of not having to face the demons leads to an unexciting and lethargic existence of drifting at sea. When this listless way of living wears on the person, they again steer the boat toward land to pursue adventures. But the reemergence of the demons when they do so scares them to the extent that they revert back toward the sea.
The demons of challenging thoughts and emotions
Much like the demons on the boat which can scare someone into avoiding pursuing adventures on land, challenging thoughts and emotions we experience while engaging in valued activities and pursuing goals can scare us into avoiding these enjoyable and fulfilling endeavours. Experiencing emotions like sadness, anxiety, anger, frustration and guilt along with negative thoughts driving these emotions is ‘part of the game’ when we engage in activities and pursue goals in the areas of work and education, relationships, personal growth and leisure.
Unfortunately, for many people the prospect of having to deal with these challenging emotions and thoughts is too big a price to pay for the potential rewards of engaging in valued activities and pursuing valued goals. So just as the demons which emerge from below deck can scare someone into steering the boat away from land and back toward sea, the prospect of facing these cognitive and emotional demons can scare people into living life devoid of the enjoyment and fulfilment from engaging in valued activities and goals.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
To face or not to face the demons: That is the question
It may appear that deciding whether to face the demons on the boat and head toward the adventures on land or to avoid the demons by turning back toward sea is a genuine dilemma. On the one hand, facing the demons which emerge from below deck when you steer the boat toward land can be so daunting as to tempt you to head back toward the sea. On the other hand, if you can tolerate the scariness of the demons then the rewards which come with experiencing adventures on land can be substantial.
Similarly, deciding whether to face the demons of experiencing challenging thoughts and emotions while engaging in valued activities and goals can also be a dilemma. On the one hand, facing the demons of challenging thoughts and emotions while engaging in valued activities and goals can be so daunting as to tempt you to abandon the pursuit of these activities and goals. On the other hand, if you can tolerate the scariness of the challenging thoughts and emotions then the rewards which come with engaging in valued activities and goals can lead to enjoyment and fulfilment.
How to decide whether to face the demons
Fortunately, Dr. Harris discusses whether it is better to face or not to face the demons on the boat. He clearly recommends that it is ultimately better to do so. The reason is that when you face the demons you realize that, as scary as they may appear, they cannot actually harm you.
So steering your boat toward land will necessarily entail putting up with the ‘noise’ of the demons. As you get closer to land and the rewards of adventure which this brings, you will recognize that you are able to tolerate the presence of the demons knowing that they cannot actually do you harm. The more practice you get in steering your boat toward various adventures on land, the more you get used to the demons and become less scared of them.
In a similar manner, Dr. Harris says that facing the demons of challenging thoughts and emotions which you experience while pursuing valued activities and goals is the preferred choice over not facing these demons by giving up on the pursuit of these activities and goals. The reason is that when you face the demons of challenging thoughts and emotions you realize that, as scary as they may appear, they also cannot actually harm you. So pursuing valued activities and goals necessarily entails putting up with the ‘noise’ of the demons of challenging thoughts and emotions.
Over time, you will recognize that you are able to tolerate the presence of the demons of challenging thoughts and emotions knowing that they cannot actually do you harm. The more practice you get in engaging in valued activities and goals, the more you will get used to the demons of challenging thoughts and emotions and become less scared of them. You will thereby be able to reap the rewards of enjoyment and fulfilment which come with regularly pursuing valued activities and goals.
May you face the demons on your boat,
Dr. Pat
The post Facing down the demons on the boat appeared first on Dr. Patrick Keelan, Calgary Psychologist.